Have you ever been at a point in time in your life, where everything just flows into each other?
Where the synchronicities are amazing and the Universe is exceedingly abundant?
And you know you are truly a part of a greater whole.
You are in such communion with the Universe.
And it just ain’t enough!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t you hear yourself say it?
Can’t you feel it?
And the puzzlement within you is immense.
After all, there is so much that surrounds you and that you are grateful for…
And it is not sufficient
And you are, you truly are eternally grateful…
And it just is not enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you don’t understand.
It feels as if there are two within you (or maybe more).
And every time you think you have achieved your goal and you actually have (the one you had just set a couple of months before), and much joy in the accomplishment is felt, there is a nagging part of you. This is what I call the “Wanderer”.
Here you are, having accomplished a much craved for goal and truly patting yourself on the back and the Wanderer already has its eyes set on the next goal. And of course the next goal is a little more ambitious and a little more difficult to achieve.
To the Wanderer this is perfectly normal. Greater heights to always be achieved. Higher mountains to be conquered.
And the other part of you, that is quite happy to just bask in the glory, (at least for a little while), of having achieved what it had set out to, can and does get quite upset.
I have often observed this kind of behaviour within myself.
This was quite understandable, I felt, while I pursued a 9 to 5 job to pay the bills, while I practised Spirit Work on a part time basis. But having accomplished my goal of merging every aspect of my life in the one pursuit of “Spirit Work”, I was truly puzzled by the continuation of the same type of behaviour.
One day while driving in my car, (perfect place to do this, because there is no one listening or watching), feeling at absolute odds with myself, I did what I normally do in those moments of desperation with myself. I shouted to whoever was listening, “You had better explain this to me. I am tired of chasing my tail. No sooner am I congratulating myself for my achievements, the dissatisfaction sets in and I am no longer content. Explain what is going on. I am tired of this cycle. I am tired of getting angry with myself for not being satisfied enough, (or at least it does not feel like I am) and then moving on to the next phase of the cycle which is guilt, because it feels like I am not grateful, when there is so much to be grateful for. Explain now!”
Can’t you see it? I have gone into major tantrum mode. This very big kid stomping its feet. Not to sure if it is with me, or my Higher Self, or my guides, or the Universe? More then likely, with one and all.
Is this not familiar to you too?
Excitement! Gratitude! Dissatisfaction! Anger! Guilt!
What a cycle! Absolutely Exhausting…
And as always, (another thing to be grateful for), I get my answers.
“You are grateful. It is not permanent dissatisfaction. It is Divine Restlessness. It is your Divine Right. It is what spurs you on to greater things. It is called Evolution. The only concern is that it gets corrupted by the human emotions of anger, impatience and guilt. Embrace this forward movement without looking back with any kind of negative emotion. Say, “I Am Grateful”, once, from the bottom of your heart. Only once. It is okay. You don’t need to repeat it again and again. Quality versus quantity. And then forge ahead.”
“We Bless the Wanderer and We Bless your Divine Restlessness.”
And slowly my anger dissipates and the guilt dissolves. I Understand. I am naughty child. I am Divine. It is my right. And this is all I have to remember from now on. The cycles will repeat themselves. And that is okay. I am also Human.
Human and Divine.
My consciousness has once more expanded. My awareness is greater. All I have to do is keep on remembering. Don’t stay trapped in those human emotions. Indulge them for a while, by all means and than move on. Lift yourself above them. Let those emotions eat your dust as you move relentlessly forward. Follow the wonderment of being ‘who you truly are’. Divine.
Once more I feel centred. Powerful. At one with the Universe. A major shift as occurred within me. I no longer feel different or less than. Not quite what within main stream society might be considered acceptable, but for me, I now understand what consistently drives me onwards. The absolute desire to do my best at all times. And why this best continues to shift on and on. It is my soul, my Higher Self. The desire to be within the bosom of the Creator.
Firmly set on my journey back to the ONE.
